A Change of Perspective
My dog Max and I will soon be going out for one of our many daily walks. It’s cold and windy today here in Montana so it takes us awhile to bundle up. As Max has aged, his back legs tend to give out, particularly in the cold weather, so he wears a ‘just in case’ support sling.
Once I get that fitted securely on him, I start the layering process for myself. First a heavy acrylic slouch hat, next a heavy hoodie, zipped all the way up to my throat with the hood tied securely over the slouch hat. Next comes my trusty decades old black worn Carhartt barn coat. When it’s really cold (read that as below -20 degrees) a heavy wool scarf is wrapped around my nose and mouth. Finally there’s the lined boots, gloves and sunglasses if needed.
Whew!!! It’s a production!
I bought that coat the first winter my horse Shiloh and I came together in 1998. It now has a lot of memories stored in it — 18 years of Shiloh chewing on it, pulling on it, slobbering on it, spitting unwanted medicine on it, dribbling water on it, rubbing against it.
That coat kept me warm and somewhat cozy when I had to go to the barn multiple times a day to medicate Shiloh’s eye for uveitis. Uveitis, which can cause blindness, is also know as moon blindness because it reoccurs.
Caring For My Horse
When I look back at that time, I wish I had done things differently with his eye care. One day the vet told me it was necessary to make a decision: either to have Shiloh’s eye removed or to make multiple daily trips to the barn to medicate his eye.
I chose the latter, thinking that by upping the medication his eye would be saved and there would be no need for surgery.
In making that choice, I caused Shiloh months of unnecessary pain and myself months of worry, angst and guilt. At the time I couldn’t understand how making what I thought was the best decision for him was actually detrimental.
In Retrospect
It’s only in recent years I have come to discern I did that because I needed to be seen as a selfless and involved horse mom. I assumed that wish would be attained by choosing to make numerous daily trips to the barn.
Once I realized how that unconscious need had played such a large part in Shiloh’s care, I began to understand why it was there and to begin my own healing journey. I couldn’t go back in time and change what happened, but by comprehending the roots of my actions, I was able to be compassionate with myself and bring understanding to the entire experience.
Make A Change
If I never have another experience like that it will be too soon! And I bet you’ll do whatever you can to avoid a similar experience. The good news is times are changing and bringing us to a tipping point in our relationship with animals.
Many of my humans clients, as well as other folx in my professional and social circles, are now choosing to get to know themselves in a deeper way so that their unconscious biases and beliefs don’t interfere in their relationship with animals. They’re not working on changing the animal, they’re working on changing themselves. They tell me that by taking tiny steps to become aware of how their actions effect the animals and then making adjustments as needed, they begin to witness a change in the relationship.
How would an animal react if you took just one small step to rid yourself of an unconscious bias or belief that affected the animal? If that one small step made a difference in the relationship, would it be worth it?
If you’re ready to make a change, I invite you to sign up for the 5 email introductory series for my signature program Deepen: A field guide to connection, relationship, true kinship with animals. In the emails I share stories how making small changes literally changed my relationship with animals and how I handled problems as they popped up. I also give you practices that you can easily try for yourself so that you can easily start making that change. There are no strings attached to the introductory emails, simply a sharing of experiences that I hope will make your relationship with animals easier and genuine. Sign up for those emails here.
BTW, Shiloh’s story had a happy ending. He did end up having his eye removed. After he recovered and after an adjustment period of learning how to navigate life with only one eye, his overall health improved and he returned to his former content and happy self.
Janet Roper is an animist, elder and communicator and for 20+ years has helped people restructure their relationship with animals. Two of her most popular resources are her monthly newsletter and her 5 email introductory series to her signature program Deepen.
